Fashion is often seen as a tool for self-expression, but it can also become a mask we use to hide parts of ourselves we don’t like. For many years, I struggled with acne, and it shaped not just my skin but also how I dressed and how I saw myself. While I eventually came to embrace my personal style and accept myself, my journey shows how clothing can both boost our self-esteem and, when we’re not careful, reinforce our insecurities.
Puberty Hits Early—and So Does Acne
I hit puberty at the age of 10 and, as a result, I also developed acne. At first, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. But for a 10-year-old girl with crushes and friends with baby-smooth skin, it was a big deal. I often got made fun of and bullied because of it. Kids would call me “zit face,” “she-devil,” and many other mean things. I started to get incredibly self-conscious, and my self-esteem was rock bottom.
I may have hit puberty, but I was not blessed with breasts. Naturally, I asked my mom to take me to the store to buy a bra. I bought a bra with padding, and sometimes I stuffed it, thinking this would make people like me more because I looked better in the clothes I wore.
Makeup and Clothes as Armor
My acne only got worse as time went by, and my support system was weak and always changing. I deeply needed support and validation, so I did the best a young girl could do: I bought clothes to match the styles of other girls, and then only wore what people complimented me on. The goal was to keep people from looking at my face. I even went as far as to only wear clothes that covered my back and upper arms completely because the zits were everywhere. I avoided looking at myself in the mirror, and accepting compliments was not something I did. I took them all as judgment and lies.
I got to the point where I could put out a confident facade, but deep down, I hated me. All I could think about was what was all over my body. So to hide it, I borrowed other people’s style.
When I got to the age where makeup was allowed in my house, I went and bought some and never went a moment without it. I tried to cover my face as much as possible. I would reapply during the day, for fear that someone would notice my acne, and I was ashamed of it. I tried to hide that I kept concealer on me at all times.
Even when I met my now husband, I never let him see me without makeup, and I wore the clothes he liked me in. I asked for validation on my outfits, and if he didn’t like it, I didn’t wear it.
From Hiding to Healing
Throughout the years, I tried various different products to clear up my acne. I tried influencer trends, I tried seeing a family doctor, I tried seeing a dermatologist, but nothing seemed to work. I kept going through each day consumed by my face.
I let my acne control me. If I had a flare-up, I would stay home. I wouldn’t go out of my way to talk to people for fear they would notice and judge me.
Eventually, I got pregnant with my oldest daughter, and the pregnancy hormones totally cleared up my skin. I thought it was a miracle. Little did I know that as soon as I stopped breastfeeding, my skin took an entirely different turn. This time I was in a new state where I knew no one and had zero friends. I tried to ignore it and tried new products that were marketed as clean and acne treating, but it wasn’t working.
Then I found Cecia, an acne specialist and esthetician. In my first appointment with her, she walked me through what acne is, why it happens, how to clear it up, and how to manage it. She helped me realize that acne does not define me, but it will be with me forever. There is no such thing as a cure for acne. No such thing as shrinking your pores. There is only the right routine, the right foods, the right products, and so on.
This mindset shift flowed into other areas of my life, too. Could I apply this same approach to other insecurities? Perhaps fashion was also not about curing insecurities, but about finding self-confidence despite them.
Here is your secret code for 10% off Pre-Orders: healing10
Embracing My True Style
During this journey, I not only learned how to quiet that judgmental voice in my head; I came to find my own guiding voice. I no longer care what people think of what I am wearing. If I love it, I feel confident and happy. Period.
My husband hates when I wear the Louie Lounger, but I wear it anyway because it’s comfortable and makes me happy. I don’t seek approval. I seek to find the best version of myself.
For the record, my acne is well-managed now, but even when I have flare-ups, I don’t use clothing as a way to hide insecurities or redirect attention. Fashion has become a tool for creativity and self-expression.
I believe that fashion can boost confidence, but only when it reflects our true selves. By choosing styles that feel right for us, we move closer to self-acceptance—and to feeling genuinely comfortable in our own skin.